Pattaya Daily News

28 April 2007 :: 15:04:05 pm 20811

Shut your filthy farang mouth!

I recently journeyed to one of Pattaya’s finest restaurants with my Thai lady friend and this place was so nice, you could order a cold towel for 15 baht. As the weather here in Pattaya resembles a science experiment, I being a gentleman, ordered two such towels.
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The waitress gave us a firm “No have. Finish.” Being a world traveler, I am used to not getting what I order. However, the invective that spewed forth from my date’s mouth sounded like dialogue that had been cut from the movieSnatch” because it was too dirty; complete with a street London accent.

Where did this flower learn such missives? There is only one way to learn that kind of gutter mouth: Straight from the source. Now, as I am an American, I have to say that we are just as guilty in spewing foul mouthed drivel in bars and especially movies as our forefathers from the UK. But do we need to teach our Thai friends such tripe?

We are all ambassadors of our culture when we are traveling and we should remember that our manner of speaking can be copied. Too many people abroad believe that we actually speak like we are starring in a Quentin Tarantino film, or a Guy Ritchie picture for all you from Merry old Cursing England.

Different languages have different levels of cursing. English is right up there with Chinese as the most abusive. Interestingly, Chinese people actually curse just like English speakers and about the same amount. Of course, Hong Kong style Cantonese probably surpasses English in curses but luckily, most of us can’t understand it. Japanese people, conversely, don’t really curse that much. They only have a few words that they use.

They prefer more creative sayings when things go awry. My favorite being what women say when they are groped on the train. The woman will turn to the offender and say, “Prepare to meet your ashamed ancestors!” This is followed by a whack to the pervert. We all know that Germans cuss quite a bit (hey, you would too if Bush manhandled your president) and we adopted many of their sayings in English for better or worse.

English is becoming the language of business and commerce all over the world and we should do our part to bring it to other cultures intact. I am very guilty, especially when talking about music, of straying from proper English. But I am truly trying to curb that when I am amongst those that might pick up such bad habits. Our wives and girlfriends are especially susceptible to our way of speaking and then before you know it, they will blast you with your own bile from back home just like the farang girl you left to take up with your Thai Flower.

Just think of what Beckham has to endure from Posh when he leaves the lid down for the third and forth time or misplaces his paycheck. Then there will come a day when you will be cursed by a Thai street kid who sounds like he is from LA. This actually happened to me in Bangkok because I did not want a five foot picture of a baby.

And to help with this new anti-cursing crusade, here are some helpful hints and alternatives to filling up the swear jar:
Honey, this is most perplexing.
I feel a little angry.
I am beside myself.
Yes, s/he was very impolite.

My dear, I am a gentleman and I refuse to pay 10 baht per unit for electricity.
Sir, you wound me with your ugly words.

I am unable to comply.

And some more substitutes when the kids are around:
Fudge!
House Mouse! (my father’s fave)
Dumptruck!
Oh Scat!
Furslushinger!
Oh Houston!

And just for the record, calling your sister’s visiting kid a “rat faced little dirt pipe” is inappropriate. It doesn’t have any curses per se, but we are setting an example here.
There, now isn’t the air in Pattaya so much nicer?


Contact the writer
Steven G. Williams
swill9000@yahoo.com
www.stevengwilliams.com

Reporter : PDN staff   Photo : Internet   Category : Society

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